The Concept of Virginity

What is “Virginity?”

Virginity is referred to as the state of being in which an individual has never had sex. The concept of virginity is inherently tied to the concept of purity, which is a concept seen throughout different religions and cultures. 

Virginity is a social construct that can sometimes be used to shame others. People, primarily women, are taught that no longer being a virgin signifies a significant loss of worth. The common phrase “losing your virginity” implies that having sex considerably changes people and is considered a loss of purity. Throughout time, no longer being a virgin is described with imagery of damage, destruction, and worthlessness. The sentiment is particularly strong in communities that condemn sex before marriage. In these communities, women who have had sex before marriage are labeled as “used” and therefore not worth marrying.

The concepts of purity and virginity push the narrative that sex is dirty, immoral, and a form of self-disrespect. These notions are inaccurate and harmful. They give sex the power to determine our worth as human beings, which is not true. Whether or not someone has had sex does not determine if they deserve love, care, kindness, and respect. 

It is a human-made concept that has evolved and changed throughout time. Virginity as a self-defined concept is perfectly okay, but the social norms surrounding virginity can be extremely harmful. Whether or not you choose to use the term “virginity” is up to you. However, it’s not okay to judge someone else’s worth on whether or not you consider them to be a virgin.

Virginity and Sexual Violence

Those who do use the term virginity may experience additional distress if they are sexually assaulted due to the way the general public fails to differentiate sexual acts that are done non-consensually from sex, which is by definition, consensual. When it comes to sexual violence, an act of physical, sexual assault such as rape, is not sex. Rather, it is a form of sexual violence. While each individual who has been sexually assaulted gets to define their own experience, many sexual violence support professionals believe that only sex, and not rape, can alter one’s virginity, given that the survivor chooses to use that term. In other words, rape is not sex. Therefore, rape does not alter a person’s virginity. Only consensual sex defines virginity for those who choose to use the term.

If the concept of virginity is important to you as an individual, that’s okay. Everyone should only have sex when they feel ready. It’s crucial to recognize, however, that a person’s worth does not rest on whether or not they fit that definition. Additionally, it’s important to remember that sex is not immoral, dirty, and it does not have the power to define us. Sex is a normal part of life and people deserve respect whether or not they have had sex.