How Toxic Masculinity Harms Men and Boys

Toxic masculinity is a popular term used to describe attributes and behaviors stereotypically associated with masculinity that cause harm to men and those around them. It’s important to remember that toxic masculinity is built on the belief that masculinity can be toxic, not that it is inherently toxic on its own.

Toxic masculinity upholds strict gender roles. Gender roles are socially acceptable expectations placed on individuals from birth on the basis of their genitals, meaning that these are behaviors, attitudes, and actions that people have been socialized to take on and are not necessarily intrinsic.

The beliefs that men “should” be unemotional, dominant, breadwinners, not “feminine,” and always seeking sex are all stereotypes that are pushed by toxic masculinity. However, all of these concepts can have negative outcomes for men, their mental health, and their relationships.

Dominant

To be a dominant group is to be powerful, influential, and make decisions on the behalf of another group. The ideal that men are dominant goes hand-in-hand with the patriarchal social structure that exists in many cultures. In a patriarchy, gender is binary, men are in control of all aspects of society, and they are expected to dominate over women. When men do not fit into this role, they are deemed to be less of a man. Many other expectations set by toxic masculinity relate back to the notion of upholding male dominance.

Men’s perceived dominance is also often compared and contrasted with the dominance of other men, as we have seen in recent years with the concept of “alpha” and “beta” males. Men who fit more masculine ideals are perceived as being dominant over other men. The ideals of male dominance can be greatly tied to physical attributes, such as being physically fit and not presenting in any way that could be perceived as “feminine.”

Implications for mental health:

• May compare themselves to other men
• May feel inferior if they are in a position where they feel powerless
• They can develop a harsh internal monologue
• Body image issues
  • Unhealthy behaviors in order to achieve a particular body-type

Implications for relationships:

• They may try to dominate their friends, family, and partners, which can lead to:
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Controlling behavior
  • Acts of violence
  • Bullying/harassment
  • Misogyny
  • Domestic/sexual violence
  • Strained relationships

Not “Feminine”

What is considered masculine and what is considered feminine differs across cultures and throughout history. They are both tied to the social expectations of how men and women “should” look, act, behave, and feel. Toxic masculinity sends the message that men should avoid engaging in any behavior that is considered feminine, and that doing so makes them less valuable and less of a man. 

Implications for mental health:

• May be constantly judging themselves and conforming their behavior to avoid being “feminine”
• May experience bullying for “feminine” traits
• May not be able to express themselves how they truly want to out of fear of being judged

Implications for relationships:

• They devalue femininity and it can manifest into misogyny
• Avoid doing traditionally “feminine” tasks such as housework, taking care of kids, or cooking
  • Can strain relationships
  • May not be prepared to care for themselves in these ways
• May bully and criticize other men in their lives

Unemotional

Men are told that they should be “unemotional.” They are told that if they display certain emotions, such as sadness, anxiety, and even affection, they are “less of” a man than those who do not outwardly express those emotions. Instead, they receive messages that anger and aggression are appropriate and masculine ways to express themselves, despite the fact that those too are emotions. Toxic masculinity says that emotions other than anger and aggression are a threat to male dominance and that struggling with mental health makes men weak, which can have a significant impact on their mental health.

Implications for mental health:

• Internalizing emotions
• Difficulty identifying emotions or mental health needs
• Less likely to seek mental health support
• No space to process emotions
• Destructive expressions of emotions such as:
  • Aggression
  • Risky behavior
  • Substance misuse

Implications for relationships

• Difficulty expressing emotions of love and affection towards loved ones
• Directing anger and aggression towards those closest to them

Breadwinners

Another byproduct of the patriarchy is that men are told they should be the sole and/or main financial provider for their family, also known as the “breadwinner.” Research shows that men who are the sole provider of their family have worse mental health outcomes than those who share financial responsibilities with their partner. However, their distress also increases if their wives become the breadwinner, as they may feel as though they are not fulfilling their role as a provider.¹

Implications for mental health:

• Increased stress
• Feeling inadequate when they are not the breadwinner¹
• Inability to step away from work for mental healthcare 

Implications for relationships:

• Research shows that men who make less money than their wives are more likely to engage in domestic violence than those who do not²
• In heterosexual partnerships, the expectation that husband makes the money often goes hand-in-hand with the expectation that the wife does the housework
  • this can strain a relationship, especially if both partners work

Always Seeking Sex

Men are portrayed as always seeking out sex. Sexual dominance and sexual conquests are considered to be directly related to manliness and their value as a man. Men who are not as driven by sex as other men may be labeled as “feminine” or have homophobic remarks directed at them. This notion is very harmful because it plays a major role in why many believe men cannot experience sexual assault.

Implications for mental health:

• When boys and men are sexually assaulted, they often have their experiences downplayed
  • May even be told that they “should have” enjoyed it if the perpetrator was female
• May have a harder time recognizing or acknowledging that they were sexually assaulted
  • Not raised to look out for this type of abuse
  • Taught to repress emotions
• Often not included in conversations, spaces, and resources serving survivors
  • ex: Women’s Shelters, Women’s Health Centers etc.
• Female perpetrators who harm boys and men get fewer legal consequences than male perpetrators, on average³
• May fear having their sexuality questioned due to gender of the perpetrator
  • As a result, they may not disclose and/or seek support

Implications for relationships:

• May pressure partners into sex
  • Male teens and young adults may feel pressured by their male peers to be sexually active in order to prove themselves. As a result, they may prioritize their desire to be sexually active over their partner’s right to consent and pressure them to have sex
• May feel pressured into sex
  • Their partner may also believe that men “should” be driven by sex, and pressure men into sexual activity 

The term “toxic masculinity” can alienate some men from this important conversation, because they view it as an attack on their identity and how that identity is influenced by being a man. It’s important to remember that toxic masculinity doesn’t just harm women and gender non-conforming folks, it causes harm to men themselves. When we put these rigid guidelines on how people of different genders “should” act, we cause harm to the mental health and relationships of these individuals. To progress, we need to be less rigid with how we define masculinity and femininity. When we move away from labeling behaviors and attributes as masculine or feminine, the closer we get to gender equity.

Sources

1. Syrda, J. (2020). Spousal Relative Income and Male Psychological Distress. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 46(6), 976-992. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167219883611
2. Munsch, C. (2016). Relative Income, Psychological Well-Being, and Health: Is Breadwinning Hazardous or Protective?
3. Patterson T, Hobbs L, McKillop N, & Burton K. (2019). Disparities in police proceedings and court sentencing for females versus males who commit sexual offences in New Zealand. Journal of Sexual Aggression, 25(2), 161–176. 10.1080/13552600.2019.1581281 [CrossRef] [Google Scholar]

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