How To Support Someone With PTSD

When someone you love has PTSD, or any unresolved trauma, it’s understandable that you want to know how to support them. No one intrinsically knows exactly what their loved one will need when healing from trauma. The best thing you can do is to ask your loved one directly what they’d like to see from you in terms of support, and it’s a good idea to periodically check-in with your loved one as their needs may evolve over time. Every individual has different needs, but there are some things to keep in mind when providing support that tend to apply to many trauma survivors.

Learn About Trauma and PTSD

Educating yourself about trauma’s impact on your loved one and their mental health can help you better understand what they’re going through. The effects of trauma can manifest in many ways, ranging from difficulties with emotional regulation to physical manifestations of stress. By educating yourself on trauma and PTSD, it will be easier to understand and accept that the symptoms your loved one is struggling with are common and normal reactions to trauma. These are not a reflection of your loved one’s mental strength and no one can control what post-traumatic symptoms they will develop and need support for.

Be Mindful of Hypervigilance

When you learn about PTSD, one symptom you will read about is hypervigilance, which is when someone’s startle response is heightened and they are more likely to enter a state of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. This can mean that your loved one may not respond well to pranks, loud noises, and/or surprises. Keep this in mind as you navigate through the relationship and try your best to not catch them off guard.

Understand Activators

Activators, also known as triggers, are stimuli that remind someone of a traumatic event. Activators can be any kind of stimuli, such as visuals, objects, sounds, words, physical sensations, and even environmental factors such as weather conditions. Try your best to notice what activates your loved one and remember activators that have been communicated to you. If you inadvertently activate your loved one, remember that their emotional response is to the trauma that they’re being reminded of, and it isn’t personal.

Sometimes, what is or isn’t an activator may not make logical sense to you. Activators aren’t something to be reasoned with, they just are. Don’t invalidate your loved one by reacting to activators as though they are being dramatic or nonsensical, as this will likely just exacerbate their distress. Don’t pry and ask your loved one why something activates a trauma response within them, as they may not be ready to share this information or they may not even know themselves. 

Prepare For Flashbacks

Flashbacks are when someone reexperiences a traumatic event in response to an activator to the extent that they feel as though the event is happening again and in real time. Every person is different when it comes to what will help them during a flashback, so the best thing you can do is have a conversation with your loved one about what they need when this happens. However, some general ways to help them are by:

• Orienting them in the present by reminding them of where they are, what time it is, who they are with, and who they are.
• Asking before you touch them.
• Getting them to a safe and comfortable location, especially if the flashback happens in public.
• Try your best to remain calm.

Be a Good Listener

Trauma survivors want to be and feel heard by those around them. Some of the core tenets of being a good listener include:

• Listening to understand rather than listening to respond.
• Giving undivided attention.
• Managing reactions to things that may be difficult to hear.
• Refraining from giving advice unless they ask for it.
• Understanding that they may need to talk about the same thing multiple times.
• Avoiding toxic, blanket statements of positivity.

Validate Them

To validate someone means to acknowledge their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as reasonable responses to whatever is happening. You can validate someone using phrases such as:

• “It makes sense you would feel that way.”
• “I totally understand where you are coming from.”
• “I understand how hard it must be for you to share this with me.”
• “I would probably feel the same way too.”
• “I agree that ___.”
• “I believe you.”

Reach Out

Another symptom of PTSD is isolation. People with PTSD isolate after trauma for many reasons, and it often doesn’t mean they don’t want to see you because of anything you’ve done. If you haven’t seen or heard from your loved one in a while, reach out, see how they are doing, and try to make a plan to see them. Isolation is not only a symptom of PTSD, but it can exacerbate other symptoms and be overall harmful to their healing process.

Support Treatment

Unless your loved one’s safety is actively at risk, it’s important to give them control over their healing process and what resources they utilize during treatment. It’s okay to suggest options, but the decision should ultimately be up to your loved one. Forcing someone into treatment can be retraumatizing, especially because trauma survivors often feel as though the traumatic event took away their ability to control their life. Be supportive of their treatment plans and help them look for resources if they ask.

Take Care of Yourself

You can’t pour from an empty cup. Your emotional well-being is also important, so make sure you’re getting the support you need in order to show up for your loved one during their time of need. Consider getting therapy for yourself, as watching someone you love struggle and being part of their support system can be difficult. Set aside time for yourself and create your own self-care rituals. Set boundaries with your loved one, and remember that setting boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t care about them or want to show up for them. Setting boundaries will be beneficial to both you and your loved one.

Supporting someone along their healing journey can be difficult, stressful, and emotionally taxing. You aren’t a bad person if you feel overwhelmed by what your loved one is going through or if you need support of your own. As long as you lead with empathy and respect for yourself and your loved one throughout the process, you are doing the best you can.Your efforts towards providing support to someone during their time of need is commendable. 

Support Is Available

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

988 Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week in the United States. We’re committed to improving crisis services and advancing suicide prevention by empowering individuals, advancing professional best practices, and building awareness.

Phone: 988

Chat: Click here to chat

Text: Send any message to 988

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Crisis Text Line

We provide free, 24/7, confidential text-based mental health support and crisis intervention in both English and Spanish for anyone in the United States and Puerto Rico.

Text: “HOME” or “HOLA” to 741741

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7 Cups

7 Cups is an on-demand emotional health service and online therapy provider. Anyone who wants to talk about whatever is on their mind can quickly reach out to a trained, compassionate listener through our network. We have hundreds of listeners who come from all walks of life and have diverse experiences.

Chat: Click here to chat

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