“Crazy” by Emily Moser
Being a survivor is…
crazy.
I am realizing
how complex we really are.
I am realizing
that we can exist
in two states of being at once.
I am realizing
we can be okay,
functioning even,
and we can be not okay,
struggling often.
Being a survivor is crazy.
My therapist says,
“you can be both,”
so I am trying to accept that:
I am both –
I am okay
and
I am not okay.
Crazy.
But it feels like I am being…
fake.
dramatic.
fraudulent.
reactive.
over-emotional.
crazy.
I feel crazy.
Because then I also feel…
energized.
happy.
excited.
hopeful.
engaged.
Which makes me feel
like I might be
crazy.
But being a survivor is crazy.
Being a survivor is complex.
And I am just
both –
Okay and not okay.
And that is okay.
Reaching acceptance,
now that,
is crazy.
-Emily Moser
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